My mom has been feeling pretty under the weather this week. She caught the ‘flu a couple of days ago and took to bed immediately (and stayed there for two whole days!). Lemme just tell you now it isn’t easy looking after your mom when she’s sick. Especially if your mom is anything like my mom, who does anything but relax like one is supposed to when one falls ill. (Did you lock the door? Did you switch off the gas? What’s that noise? Is someone trying to break in? Did you lock the door? .. you get the idea)
Now, have you ever noticed that the doctor’s is a wonderful place to observe people? Seriously, you get all sorts of people there from all walks of life and you invariably get a glimpse into their lives. In a very odd and slightly disconcerting way, it has also become a place to meet new people as, apparently, nothing creates deeper bonds between two human beings than realising they share the same illness (case in point – The Bucket List).
Well, I took my mom to the doc yesterday for a check-up (also in hopes that he would be able to calm her down). While my mom was busy making a mental note of all the problems she had so that she could recount them to the doc later in painful detail (I feel for the guy. I mean, I know doctors save lives and are practically Gods on Earth and all, but you couldn’t pay me to become one! I have enough problems of my own, thank you very much!), I took the opportunity to glance furtively at the other occupants of the waiting room.
After just 5 minutes of that, I was ready to run screaming out of that place. Here’s why –
What NOT to do while at the Doctor’s –
- DON’T assume that just because someone smiled at you, it is OK to relate your family history (including all the gory details of all the illnesses that run in your family) to them.
The smile in your direction might have been largely due to the brownish-green stain down your front (remnants of the day’s hasty breakfast, clearly gone unnoticed by you) staring at them in their face.
- DON’T let your kids, who are accompanying you, run around screaming, getting in everybody’s way and aggravating the headaches of those present. Or if they are the ones who have to see the doc, make sure you bring them over when they are asleep as they are prone to bawl their eyes out (even when all they have is just a cold) when they enter the clinic (Don’t ask me why – I don’t know either).
- DON’T proceed to explain loudly to no one in particular exactly why you are there in the first place. Nobody wants to know. Trust me on this one.
- DON’T cough or sneeze or do somethin equally gross, all over the others. It’s your disease, keep it to yourself. Others have their own viruses and bacteria to deal with without you adding to it.
- DON’T pick a fight with that sweet old lady next to you about who goes in to meet the doctor first. It’s the doc for God’s sake, not the giving away of tickets for “the Oprah Winfrey Show”. There’s no ‘first come first serve’ here. Be a man and wait for your turn like the rest of the sensible, albeit ill, mortals around you.
- DON’T start an argument about whose ailment is more fatal and therefore deserves top prority, in the wating room. It does nothin to help hypochodriacs (like my mom) who whip out a 20-year old, outdated health guide everytime they so much as sneeze. (Yeah, thanks a bunch for putting ideas into my mom’s head, you bald jerk! The next time I catch you in the Doc’s clinic, YOU-ARE-GOING-DOWN!)
All rights reserved. The facts and people mentioned or hinted at in this post are completely real and the refernces are purely intentional.
Hope the jerks get the hint.