- Things took an ugly turn at a local cricket match in London yesterday and the match was halted for about 15 minutes when one of the spectators, a Mr.Lukas Smith, pounced on a man in front of him in the stadium and proceeded to pummel him, all the while yelling, “For the POOP! For the POOP!”. Security was immediately dispatched to the scene of disturbance and Mr.Smith was apprehended. Upon questioning, it was revealed that the man attacked had been a former employer of Mr.Smith, a Mr.Oswald Pennyworth. Mr. Pennyworth had been forced to let go of Mr. Smith a couple of months ago when the latter tried to pull the same stunt after creating a “Hate Group” within the office, called “Piss Off Oswald Pennyworth (POOP)” when he was denied extra toothpicks in the office cafeteria.
Needless to say, none of the other members of POOP came to bail Mr.Smith out.
- A 40-year old Hungarian, thought that his wedding day would be the best day of his life. And he had no reason to think otherwise until, as was custom, after the ceremony he licked his bride’s finger dipped in honey to start off his new life on a sweet note, choked on her false fingernail and died on the spot. The bride was unavailable for comment, having rushed to the nearest salon to get her nail fixed after breaking down into hysterical sobs and accusing her recently dead spouse of “ruining my wedding”.
- A 35-year old woman in North Carolina, was caught shop-lifting 20 tins of cat food by hiding it in her dress. When stopped by the security and questioned about the strange clanking coming from her person, she told the man she was pregnant and tried to push past him which was when some of the tins came tumbling out. She was relieved of all the tinned food and fined heavily. Upon investigation, it was found that the woman didn’t even have a cat.
- A 38-year old man in Queensland, Australia tried to kill his wife whom he suspected of cheating on him. He accused her of breaking his heart and picked her up to throw her over the balcony. But he found that this was easier said than done as his wife proved to be heavier than he expected. Before he could get a good grip, his knees gave way and he fell over the railings taking his wife with him. His wife survived. His body broke her fall.
- A massive riot ensued in New York’s Gucci store two days ago. Several casulaties were reported where all of the injured were women. After enquiring it was found that the reason for mayhem was the announcement of “50% off” sale by the store wherein hordes of customers, mostly female, rushed in and proceeded to grab what they liked by pushing, shoving, scratching and biting anyone who came in their way. The spouses of the injured are threating to sue Gucci for the damages inflicted, as they figure this is the only way to pay off the exorbitant shopping bills. Last heard, Gucci is planning to declare bankruptcy.
- A 28-year old male in India ran amok in the streets of Mumbai yesterday, tearing at his clothes and weeping. After he was locked away safely, it came to light that the man, upon finding out that a movie actress and her long-term boyfriend had broken up, went up to his girlfriend, told her the relationship was over and that he was off to his true love’s place to profess his feelings for her. After reaching the actress’ house the man found that he was blocked by the security guard and was beaten up when he tried to force his way in. Dejected, he made his way back to his place and found out that his girlfriend had already “moved on” to someone else. The fact that the someone else was his 20-year old neighbour, Pinky, proved to be the last straw and he took to the streets.